How I got my writing joy back…

…I didn’t.

I mean, I did, but saying “this is how I got it back” makes it sound like I did something good and wonderful to make it happen. Which is definitely not the case.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s back up…

Books and eyeglasses

Have you ever had a dream go a little beige on you? Something once all sparkly and rainbow-like that somehow lost its color? And you worried it might be gone forever?

That was me and writing last year. The honeymoon period of my publishing dream-come-true faded and the work of it, the keeping up…keeping up…keeping up…really got to me. Mind you, I have a day job, so everything writing-related happens early in the morning and late at night and on weekends. Which doesn’t leave a lot of wiggle room for the rest of life.

Worse, though, was the state of my mind and heart. Comparison, worry that I wasn’t good enough, feeling like I wasn’t making a difference, lack of trust. It just…wasn’t pretty. Nor was it me…at least not the me I wanted or was used to being.

Side note: I realize  the two paragraphs I just wrote make it sound like my life was awful last year. It wasn’t. I had wonderful times with family and friends, fun travels, good health. Nothing horrible or traumatic. Mostly, it was just me with my head in the wrong place.

But it is true that my writing dream lost enough of its shine that by the end of the year, I told God I was ready to give it up. I told myself I’d write my fourth contracted book and if it was even close to as difficult emotionally as my third, I’d let it go after that. Frankly, I was a little restless and a lot moody…and it wasn’t worth it.

Young woman standing with suitcase on road

But then…something crazy happened.

The New Year rolled around. And when the calendar flipped, so did a switch inside me. I starting writing my fourth book… 

And I had so, so, SO much fun with it. I fell for my own characters—hard. The way I used to before I cared about whether other people would like them. It was still work, but it was gratifying, growing work. I had multiple instances of waking up with a smile on my face on long writing weekends—that’s how into this story and these characters I was.

Plain and simple, it was back. That writing joy…that love for story…that itch to tell.

Here’s the amazing thing, though: I didn’t suddenly start doing everything right in order to rediscover my writing joy.

That return of joy? I know without a single doubt it was solely the result of answered prayer—mine and my family’s and some friends who know me well.Beautiful Teenage Girl Outdoors Enjoying Nature

Sometimes, probably most of the time, we have to do hard work to see actual change happen in our lives. We have to be disciplined and intentional. We have to pay attention to our thought patterns, prioritize and make healthy choices. These are all things I know I need to be—and am—working on. (Thus, my decision not to kick myself if I don’t blog three times a week and to simply unplug my wireless router some weekends and delete social media apps off my phone when I need to.)

But sometimes…

Sometimes we don’t do everything right.

In fact, maybe we give up doing anything at all.

Sometimes nothing changes.

And then everything changes.

Because God sees our worn spirits and tired hearts. And instead of saying, “If you’d just do this and this and this, everything would get better,” he says, “Child, here’s a gift. Enjoy.”

I have a reason for sharing this story and it’s this: I think it’s very normal, maybe especially for Christians, to line up self-help fix-its like bottles in a medicine cabinet when we’re lost or lonely or stressed or simply blah. We give ourselves advice like “slow down and be still.” Or drink more water and get more sleep. Have daily “quiet time.” Rest. Don’t watch so much TV. Go to church. Listen to the right music. It’s all good, good, GOOD stuff.

But I think what the past year taught me is that all those things are logs in a fire pit—necessary and important but useless until God sparks my spirit and re-lights my passion. And if God wants to, he can light a fire without any of it. I can promise you I’m still not drinking enough water and I probably watch too much Netflix and I’m still trying to figure out how to “be still” while pursuing two careers. 

But I know my passion is back. And it’s not because of anything I did.

But solely because of something God did. Perfectly. In his time. In my heart.

Because he’s a gift-giver. Because he loves me. 

Because my efforts are sparklers to his fireworks…

How did I get my writing joy back? Honestly, I didn’t.

He just gave it to me. 

And I’m so grateful.

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    3. *tears* I think every author is right there with you. The last couple of months have been especially hard. And as I was having one of my far-too-many-to-admit meltdowns, pleading for my investment to bear fruit, I felt the gentle reminder that I was. Maybe not the outward fruit of “success,” as we tend to label it. But if I didn’t get so caught up to miss it, I’d see God’s working much more precious fruit in my character through it all. Faith, trust, patience. And as I let my heart rest in that assurance, joy begins to reemerge from the brokenness.

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        I’m so sorry that past months have been hard, Crystal. There is so much “stuff” that goes along with writing and publishing that can trip us up—mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I think it’s important to acknowledge that. But God has this awesome way of reaching past the brick-heavy anxieties and reminding us of why we’re doing it…and I think that’s where the joy is. Just like you said, faith, trust, patience. Thanks so much for sharing your heart!

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    8. Because God sees our worn spirits and tired hearts. And instead of saying, “If you’d just do this and this and this, everything would get better,” he says, “Child, here’s a gift. Enjoy.”

      Yes! Love Him. 🙂

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    9. So on target, M-Tagg. For me it was the fourth book. That thing fought me every word of the way. But you know something, it taught me to depend on God for literally the next word, the next scene.

      Now that it’s a memory, I’m gradually forgetting the pain and seeing what God did.

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        You are amazing to me, Pat, with all the writing you do. Depending on God for every word…yes!

        Sorry you’re fourth book was such a battle. My editor told me it seems like every author has that one book that just knocks her down. Hopefully ours are behind us. 🙂

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        It’s possible…or maybe we don’t love some stories more, but we love them differently. Perhaps a bit like parents and children—they love all their kids but maybe that love takes different forms at different stages and with different children?

        Thanks so much for stopping by, Shelli!

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    15. What a lovely, joyful post, Melissa! Thanks for sharing part of your writing journey with us. I’m glad this fourth book came easier and you enjoyed it in spite of the book that came with it too. Congrats on finishing it! Hope you’re enjoying some “breathing time” now that book four is complete. 🙂

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    17. What a beautiful glimpse into the joy associated with God’s gifts! You are doing what He created you to do; be a writer; just like Him!

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    18. Ooh, Melissa, I LOVE this article. The honesty, the heartache, the struggle. The joy and renewal and the encouragement. I am so glad God is the Gift Giver. We could never earn or deserve any of the good things He gives us because of the humanness we all encapsulate.

      This year, I’m determined to learn how to be content. I’m sure it’s going to be a difficult road, but somehow I still feel like it’s going to be an absolutely beautiful year. And I’m certain it’s because I’ll be learning to rely on God more than I ever have before. I don’t have what it takes to find contentment on my own. It must come from Him. Through this journey, I will get to know God in new and glorious ways, and nothing gets more exciting than that.

      Hugs,
      Andrea

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        Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment, Andrea! So glad the post resonated with you. It’s one I’ve been wanting to write for awhile now. 🙂

        Learning how to be content…that is an awesome pursuit. I think it took me awhile to realize being content doesn’t mean I suddenly don’t want anything. In fact, if I don’t want anything at all, well then contentedness isn’t much of a feat anyway. LOL! Real, gritty contentedness, I think, is learning to choose joy, trust, patience, hope, peace, all those things, even in the midst of unfulfilled desires…

        I hope it’s an awesome journey for you!

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        1. Melissa, thank you. This helps me further define contentment. I keep running across it in different ways, and each time gives me another aspect of its definitions. I probably need to start a fresh journal just for this year’s journey to contentment, for all I’m already learning!

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    19. I SO needed this! Beautiful and honest post, Melissa! The past 6 months have been especially tough around here, and I’m just starting to get my joy back. This echoes my heart of late. LOVE it and thank you for sharing:)

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        I’m sorry the past six months have been so tough. 🙁 But I’m glad your joy is beginning to return. Life is so seasonal, isn’t it? We go through blah seasons, but they always eventually give way to springy seasons. So glad the post resonated!

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