I had a bad day the other day.
We’re not talking bad hair day. Dude, I’m used to those by now.
Nope, it was pure emotional bad day mixed in with lack of sleep and under-the-weatherness. Ugh. Those are the worst. I won’t go into the why’s because, frankly, this is not a diary and you are not therapists. But I will say this: Days like that always have me wishing three things…
1) That I was a boy ’cause they seem much less roller-coastery. (Always wears off, though, as soon as I remember boys don’t get to wear knee-high boots and leggings.)
2) That jobs automatically provided mental health days.
3) That by the time I get pregnant someday, someone will have invented an instant emotional stability formula. It’s not the labor and delivery I’m scared of. It’s the hormones, baby!
Actually, I like to think I’m generally pretty even-keeled. But on that day earlier this week, I could’ve played a convincing Grumpy of The Seven Dwarves acclaim…except for my height…and lack of beard.
Finally, though, I cheered up by watching videos of my precious nephew Ollie. I’ve written about Oliver oodles of times, but for the newbies, Ollie was born in June 2010 with Down Syndrome and two heart defects. He has undergone three open heart surgeries, and he’s doing awesome these days! Also…he just happens to be the most adorable kid in the whole world. I’m serious, the Gerber baby wishes he had Ollie’s dimpled smile.
Ollie brings so much joy into so many lives. Which is why I cringed when I read some of the information in this article on the Time magazine site earlier this week.
The article presents information about growing technology in the area of pre-natal testing, specifically as related to children with Down Syndrome. And though the article itself doesn’t advocate for one particular outlook, it notes statistics that made me sick to my stomach:
- Births of babies with Down Syndrome have decreased 15% between 1989 and 2005 due to more sophisticated prenatal screening even though increasing maternal age should statistically mean a 34% increase. In other words, because more women are learning of Down Syndrome diagnoses early, more of these women are terminating their pregnancies.
- Up to 90% of women who know in advance of a Down Syndrome diagnosis choose to abort their baby.
- As one mother of a child with Down Syndrome said in the article, “There was encouragement to get screened with the understanding that I would terminate because that’s what most people do.”
My nerves pull taut just retyping those sentences. And while I realize that as a Christian, I’m supposed to be full of grace and compassion – toward those who disagree with me, those who make decisions I don’t understand, those who find themselves facing a life-altering challenge – I can’t deny the teeter-totter of anger and sadness those statistics whip at me.*
And while this discussion could branch into politics, science and religion, from purely a heart perspective, it makes me so sad to think of the joy people miss out on by denying a life due to a chromosomal “imperfection.” And it scares me to think of where we’re inching, or maybe running, as a society.
But there’s a sweet side to this. A day after reading that first article, I stumbled upon a second article called “My Perfect Child” at Christianity Today’s website, and it was written by one of the parents quoted in the first article. Talk about a heart boost. In this article, the parent of a child named Penny with Down Syndrome talks about what it really means to be “perfect.” And she references that verse in Matthew 5 which always makes me gulp: “Be perfect, therefore, as I am perfect.” She says:
The Greek word that was translated perfect is teleioi, which comes from the word telos, meaning “complete,” “whole,” “full-grown,” or “mature.” In other words, this perfection has to do with becoming a certain type of person. It has to do with becoming the complete, whole, mature, full version of ourselves.
And part of becoming that version of ourselves, says the writer, is recognizing our humanity, our limitations and especially our need for God.
We move closer to perfection as we move closer to becoming the children, men, women God created us to be. It has nothing to do with our physical or mental abilities…or the number of chromosomes in our DNA.
Penny is both created in God’s image and fallen from grace—like everyone else. By giving me a new understanding of God’s view of perfection, Penny has offered us a way to participate more fully in the body of Christ as we become more and more human and more whole.
Like Penny, like all of us, Ollie is created by God, covered by God’s grace…and in that, he is perfection.
And on a bad day, when I am bemoaning my weaknesses and doubting my strengths, I can still taste perfection…if I’ll allow myself to chew on the fact that those very limitations prove my humanity, my need, my creation-status in the face of a Creator-God. Perhaps that’s what Paul meant when He talked about boasting in his weakness.
Penny’s and Ollie’s and my “imperfections?” They’re where God’s power shines, His grace takes a stand…and His perfection covers all.
How about you: I got a bit info-heavy and perhaps even preachy today. But I wonder, do you ever feel perfection is too far away? Does the second article challenge your view of perfection like it did mine? What does it mean to you that “God’s power is made perfect” in your weakness?
*I realize that I need to be very careful not to be judgmental here. My personal bias, in the form of overwhelming love for Ollie, means I have quite strong feelings on the subject. I know there are many, many more factors that go into women’s decisions…and whether I agree or not, I’m still called to be respectful, kind and compassionate. Also, I know the area of pre-natal testing for various disorders is quite controversial, and I don’t intend for this post to present an opinion on that.
Comments 11
First: Some boys DO wear leggings and knee high boots. Just sayin. 😉
Secondly, those statistics broke my heart and I didn’t find you preachy but passionate.
Praying for more good days than bad. He’s such a cutie, next time I’m in a funk, I’m going to have you send me videos of Ollie so I can rise above the muck!
Have a great weekend!
Hehe, okay, you’re right. I shouldn’t have stereotyped the boys… 🙂
I’m glad you didn’t find this too preachy. After I read the first article earlier this week, I had a long, ranting post all planned out in my head. I’m so glad I stumbled upon the second article, because it truly challenged my perception of perfection AND kept me from posting an angry blog. Hehehe…
I will send videos of Ollie anytime! Thankfully, I rarely have days like the one I had this week, but the videos of Ollie totally pulled me out of the funk. 🙂
Thanks for writing this Melissa, it really wasn’t preachy at all! 🙂 We are so thankful to have such strong advocates for Ollie in our family. Love from all of us!
You’re welcome, Chip. Glad you don’t think it’s preachy. 🙂 You know, as disturbed as I was by the stats in the first article earlier this week, it hit me that some women who face an unexpected pre-natal diagnosis probably don’t have the strong support system you and Amy did…and I’m sure that affects their decisions. And as sad/angry as it makes me, I need to have compassion…and understanding even when I don’t agree. Something I’m sure I’ll always be working on.
That said, oh how glad I am that you and Amy chose to give Ollie life! He is precious and perfect…and you guys are awesome parents!
Thanks for reminding me that God’s perfection is so much better than my idea of perfection. Ollie has truly brought so much joy to the world. I love watching his videos!
Melissa,
Regardless of whether boys can and/or should wear leggings and boots: You rock ’em!
:O)
And you were not preachy. You shared your heart. We are all welcome to share our heart.
And yes, at times I feel perfection is too far away. Your post today made me feel as if I could reach perfection. Rather, it made me feel like I didn’t have to strain to reach perfection.
So true, Pat, on both points – God’s perfection is so much better…and Ollie brings so much joy. 🙂
Thanks, TEE! I love your last sentence – I wish I wouldn’t waste so much time bemoaning my lack of perfection…
Wow Melissa!
Well said.
Well said.
I look at Ollie and see a perfect gift God has given our family. Every time I am able to spend time with him, it seems God uses him to teach me something. This past weekend when we were celebrating with Ollie as he shared with us his new talent of clapping, this was the lesson: Sometimes his little hands made their mark and connected and other times they didn’t. Yet we were all thrilled with every attempt….excitedly cheering him on. We love him so much and are so blown away by how he brings us such joy. What an honor and blessing to know…that is how God loves us too! Whether we get it right or not, He is for us. His love IS perfection. And this is how God loves you Melissa..on both the good days..and the bad. Loving you every day~mom
Thanks, Mom. Love the Ollie clapping analogy! That’s so perfect…and so true. Love you too. 🙂
Wow!
Wow!
Wow! You sent chills down my back through the whole thing! You were very passionate with your blog today! I was having a downer day too, but when I read your blog you brought me to tears and smiles as I saw Ollies cheerful little face! Thank you so much! Ian lucky to have you as my cousin!
Awww, thanks, Mikaela. Your comment made my day! I am blessed to have you as a cousin, too. Can’t wait to see you at Christmas!! 🙂