Lauren Bacall, Cary Grant, & how to be brave.

Headlines have been crowded this week with news of Robin Williams’ death. And rightly so. The man is legend and his passing, heartbreaking in more ways than one.

But another celebrity passed away this week—an actress from Hollywood’s golden era and a personal favorite of mine: Lauren Bacall.

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And here’s the part of the post where I get all Stern Melissa and say if you’ve never seen a Lauren Bacall movie, forget reading the rest of this and go watch one of her films. Like, right now. Pick whatever one you want—her breakout To Have and Have Not with the incomparable Humphrey Bogart or the awesome Key Largo or one of my faves, How to Marry a Millionaire which also features the ever-debonaire William Powell and Marilyn Monroe in one of her ditziest roles.

[okay, reining in the classic movie obsession…getting back to the point]

There’s an old Hollywood story that nineteen-year-old Lauren Bacall was so nervous during the filming of her first movie with Bogart that she couldn’t bring herself to hold her head up. In her own words:

I used to tremble from nerves so badly that the only way I could hold my head steady was to lower my chin practically to my chest and look up at Bogie. That was the beginning of The Look.

The Look.

If you know anything about Bacall, you know “The Look” is what she was most known for. [see above photo] A sultry, smoldering sort of look that dazzled the camera, dazzled audiences…and dazzled co-star Bogie so much that he married her…and stayed married to her until his death.

*****

I was telling a friend recently that I feel like I never take risks. I’m really not very brave.

This was the kind of friend, thankfully, who knew I wasn’t fishing for an “Oh but you ARE brave, Melissa!” and instead heard the desire crouching behind those words.

To discover unrealized courage.

To take risks.

To have the hard conversations.

To make the bold decisions.

Problem is, I’m not really sure what risks I’m supposed to take. Or what conversations I’m supposed to have. Or what decisions I need to make. 

But I know it’s there, that desire, because I can never go more than five or six months without sliding into a place of restless mental wandering…and wondering…about what life would be like if I was the bravest version of myself.

*****

I was talking with another friend recently who told me he was going to watch The Awful Truth, an early Cary Grant movie. [Yes, again with the classic movies. I know.]

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When he mentioned that I had a sudden memory of something I read about that movie—how it was the first time Cary Grant was forced to do quite a bit of improvisation in a role. The director, Leo McCarey, devised much of the film as it went along…which made Grant so uncomfortable he almost quit.

Funny thing is, The Awful Truth is the movie that basically made Cary Grant the rom-com leading man he was for pretty much the rest of his career. Writer/director Peter Bogdanovich—who I LOVE—said from The Awful Truth on, “there was Cary Grant and everyone else was an also-ran.”

And I love that! The movie Cary Grant almost quit—because it was unnerving and uncomfortable—ended up being a huge piece of what made him the star he was.

It’s the exact same story as Lauren Bacall. Her nerves and her fear produced The Look…which made her the star she was.

*****

Earlier this week I half woke up one morning convinced I needed to call the police. Because someone was in my bedroom and he was hitting my head with a hammer.

Then I all-the-way woke up and realized there was no man with a hammer. There was just me with some sort of killer virus. I ended up in bed for a few days. Which meant lots of thinking time.

And I kept circling back to that conversation with my friend—the one about wanting to be brave and take risks, but having no clue what risks God might want me to take.

And then the news about Lauren Bacall’s death broke. I started thinking about her fear and Cary Grant’s discomfort. 

And it hit me: Maybe figuring out how to be brave or what risk to take doesn’t start with landing on some bold move and bulldozing my way into action.

Maybe it starts with a couple simple questions:

What do I fear?

What makes me uncomfortable?

And how many times in my life have the coolest, most memorable or meaningful moments come after doing something that scared me or poked holes in the comfy blanket I like to wrap up in?

Bravery may not always be climbing a mountain and basking in sunlight.

It might be tiptoeing into a valley and encountering the shadows.

I don’t know.

But it’s telling, I think, that behind the legendary status of two of Hollywood’s greatest stars were human beings with plain old, ordinary fear…who, instead of running away from the fear, leaned right into it.

*****

What do you think bravery looks like? And what’s your favorite Lauren Bacall movie?

(Or, if you don’t have a favorite, we need to have a serious talk…)

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    Comments 18

    1. I dunno. I thought you were pretty brave a few years ago when I saw you standing up on that podium surrounded by 700+ people and talking writing and Jesus and faith. You could never have known how that speech turned the tide for one exhausted mom–the one who jumped back into writing after many years away.

      You’re still brave. And beautiful. And real. AND I know God is working through you in ways you can’t even imagine yet.

      And I love Lauren Bacall, too. How to Marry a Millionaire is indeed one of my faves. (Wow, her voice! That look!)

      So glad you appreciate the classics, Melissa! Have a super-blessed and restful weekend!

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        Thanks, Cindy. That was a pretty cool speaking experience and it’s awesome to hear it was tide-turning for you. Thanks for letting me know that and for all your encouraging words! You inspire me. 🙂

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    2. I LOVED Lauren Bacall and was so sad to hear of her passing. Everything from The Big Sleep to How to Marry a Millionaire to Designing Woman…I know I’m forgetting a ton. But I loved her presence and class and that “look.” She rocked it.

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    3. I was also really sad to hear about Lauren Bacall. Bogart is one of my favorite classic film actors, and of course the two of them were amazing together. My favorite of hers is probably Key Largo, though I haven’t seen too many, maybe four or five?

      And I love The Awful Truth. It’s so absurd and amazing. =)

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    4. To me, bravery takes many different forms… mostly just stepping out and doing something you are scared to do or something you aren’t comfortable doing. And praying all the while that God will get you through it!

      Ah… Lauren Bacall. She was great, wasn’t she? I love all her movies with Bogie! I don’t think I could pick a favorite. 😉

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    6. I am also a classic movie fan. My son used to say that if a movie was in color I wouldn’t like it. Thank you for this post. My favorite Lauren Bacall movie? It is a tie between To Have and Have Not and Dark Passage. Both with Bogie.

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    7. What do you mean not brave, Melissa?

      Every time you publish a post you’re being brave. And what you’ve published 2 novels, soon to be 3. That’s bravery in my books.

      Making oneself vulnerable (and publicly so) is a great act of bravery and you’re doing it all the time, my friend.

      Grace and peace.

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        Thanks so much for your kind words, Ian. I really appreciate that. Interesting thing about me is, I often have an easier time being vulnerable in front of an audience or in a blog post than with the people closest to me. How weird is that?

        Hope to see you at ACFW this year!

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    8. Great post, Melissa. Often my scary moments are so simple, just opening up with a compliment for a stranger, something that’s uncomfortable but might make them feel good. Also sometimes I feel promoted by God to do and say things that are hard for me, and I mostly give in to my fears there. I’m afraid to look bad, but I should really trust him on those things.

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        I can understand that, Michelle, scary moments being simple. I really get that. I sometimes have a very easy time opening up to the internet, but then when it comes to those really important, in-person, vulnerable conversations, I get knotted up and afraid to tell all.

        Thanks a bunch for stopping by!

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