Yay, today author Cynthia Ruchti is hanging out at Tag(g)lines. I met Cynthia last year at the ACFW Conference and had the opportunity to gush in person to her about her book They Almost Always Come Home.
Cynthia’s latest book, When the Morning Glory Blooms, just released and I’m itching to read it. She has such a wonderful writing voice!
And her post today is so very relevant, whether you’re a writer or not…about how learning the stories of those around us changes everything…
Gruff exterior. Hollow eyes. Communicates poorly. Perpetually grumpy. What’s the story behind that character?
As a creator of imaginary characters for novels and composite but very real characters for non-fiction, I’m learning about myself and about humanity as I write.
I wonder if my Sociology professor in college would have held his students’ attention better if he’d turned us all into novelists rather than droning about stats and handing out obtuse essay tests.
Carefully observing the characters who people our own life stories tells us there has to be more under the surface—a reason she cringes when someone stands too close, a background to his rebellion against every form of authority, meaning behind her insatiable appetite for dangerous relationships…
In my recent release—When the Morning Glory Blooms—I needed a dad figure radically different from my own. My father was emotionally present. I needed to create a character who was inexplicably emotionally absent. My father found countless ways to show how much he loved his kids. This character needed to search but seem to never find a way. Yet, he had to be a good man at his core.
I started the book, fleshing out the character of Ornell, not knowing his whole story. In my heart, I knew there had to be a reason for his gruff exterior, his hollowness, his inability to communicate with more than grunts and clipped demands that his daughter realize time was ticking. He’d give her two more months before she was on her own.
Maybe only another writer will understand this, but I forced myself to reserve judgment about him until the rest of his story came to light. When the layers unfolded, my heart broke for this precious man. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him everything was going to be okay. I wanted to tell him how proud I was for how strong he’d been, and for the new ways he was blasting out of his comfort zone to do the right thing.
In the beginning, I didn’t know his whole story. Discovering it changed my attitude toward him, this imaginary character.
What would happen if I’d apply that concept to the sour-faced check-out clerk at Walgreen’s? Or the teacher who demands impossible things from a student I care about? Or the woman sitting next to me in church who clings to her screaming baby as if it’s a security blanket rather than taking that child to the well-lit, fully-staffed, environmentally friendly church nursery?
What if I assumed a many-layered story pressed from the inside against what I see on the outside? How would that alter my approach to the people around me? Would it eventually lead to a moment when they would trust me enough to give me a glimpse into their background and change us both?
What about you, reader? Has your approach to someone around you changed since you learned the rest of his or her story?
*****
Cynthia Ruchti tells stories of Hope-that-glows-in-the-dark through her novels and novellas, speaking for women’s events and retreats, writers’ events and retreats, nonfiction books and devotionals, drawing from 33 years of on-air radio ministry. In 2013, she will have a total of six books on the shelves, with more to come in 2014. She and her plot-tweaking husband live in the heart of Wisconsin, not far from their three children and five grandchildren. Her recent release—When the Morning Glory Blooms—earned a top rating of 4.5 Stars from RT Reviews plus a Top Pick. Publishers Weekly said this about the book: “Times may change, but condemnation and judgment are constants. Yet each woman dares to hope in the power of grace, and to believe in the One who redeems all things.
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Absolutely, I do. Whenever I discover someone’s true-life backstory, it opens me up to more sympathy empathy and compassion. This continually reminds me of yet another reason why God tells us not to judge others. Only He sees their stories completely. And He sees them with grace.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post!
Blessings to you!
He sees them with grace…love that!
Thanks for stopping by, Cheryl. I appreciate your insights.
I cannot wait to read this book. I love the theme. The longer I’ve been involved in ministry and the more spiritually mature I become (still have waaaaaays to go lol) I judge less for that very reason. There is so much bullying going on at my daughter’s school (everywhere) and it kills me when I see those kids walk out of the doors after the bell rings. Who knows what they are going home to deal with. Thanks for sharing, Cynthia!
Hugs, Tagg!
And hugs to you, Jess. As for spiritual maturity…I read your Wednesday blogs, my friend. You have so much wisdom to share.
Jessica, the path some of these kids walk breaks my heart. It makes me think of the song that says, “Lord, break my heart with what breaks Yours.” Thanks for your comment.
Such wise insight, Cynthia — and I am not surprised.
And yes, my perception of others always changes when I learn more of their story.
My perception of me changes as I learn — and embrace — my story too.
🙂
Ooh, I like your twist, Beth! Embracing our own stories…
Ooh, Beth. Good point! Embracing our own story. Sounds like fodder for a good sit-down session with tea and Jesus.
It’s funny how much we learn about ourselves and those around us when we consider how to build a character. What thing in my past led to the lie I believe? Why is that friend having difficulty with such-and-such when I don’t, or vice versa? It’s so good to remember that not everyone is like us, but we all crave the same things: love, acceptance, success…
Such great reminders here!
So true, Linz…we learn so much as we build our characters…
Thank you for your wisdom, Lindsay. Wouldn’t it be amazing to somehow stir that kind of understanding in young women before they establish habits that don’t include empathy and compassion? Even though I was a “good” kid, I waited too long to mature in the area of compassion and empathy. I lost a friendship back in high school and couldn’t understand what happened, why the sudden abandonment. Today I realize how her family life was affected by alcoholism. I wish I’d known how to be a true friend to her through that.
Cynthia, I work in a ministry that serves people with addictions…alcoholism can lurk so sneakily…and ruin relationships so easily…I think it’s really hard to know how to be a true friend in situations like that…
I first met Cynthia in the elevator at ACFW (in 2011)and she was as warm in person as I’d envisioned her to be. *waving* at you, Cynthia!
I can’t wait to read When the Morning Glory Blooms! I sense I may need a tissue or two. 😉
As I’ve matured (not “aged,” mind you-lol!), I’ve become more inclined to extend grace and show the love of Christ in more tangible ways, especially to those who society deems “unlovable.”
Thanks, Cynthia and Melissa!
Matured not aged. Nice! 🙂
Nice to catch up with you here, Cynthia. I love how you worded this. I’m grateful God deemed no one “unlovable.” Profound thought, isn’t it?
What a gorgeous cover – and appealing title, for this book. Thanks for the introduction, Melissa! 🙂
It is a gorgeous cover!
Rissi, I’m pleased with the cover, too. My hope is that it will serve as a welcome mat (where did I get that idea?) for people to enter into the stories.
You are so right about what happens when you hear the rest of the story. I was presenting a class in bullying in alternative school, and this one kid was getting on my last nerve.I was about to send him out in the hall when I asked for someone to tell me a bullying memory. This kid raised his hand and said, “Last night when I had to call 911 when my dad was beating up my stepmom.” My heart broke for this boy.
I agree about the cover and When the Morning Glory Blooms sounds like something I’d like to read.
So heartbreaking, Pat…
Oh, Patricia, what an amazing story! When we talk about wiping out bullying, we have to make sure we’re also addressing what turned them into bullies, whether temporary or life-long!
I agree with Cheryl, listening to people’s true stories allows us to understand them better. That’s when ministry happens. Thanks, Melissa, for hosting Cynthia! And Cynthia, you’re such a beautiful writer. Congratulations on your release!
“That’s when ministry happens.” Love that, Donna…ministry does come hand in hand with understanding which comes hand in hand with relationship. Love it.
Thank you, Donna. Melissa’s own story is so rich with meaning. Can’t wait for her debut novel!
Thank you SO much for being here today, Cynthia. Your post is one of my all-time favorites. And I’m so excited to read your latest book…after “They Almost Always Come Home,” I’m a fan for life. 🙂
Understanding a person and what shaped them changes everything! Thanks for this great post Cynthia and Melissa!
You said it so well, Michelle!
I read They Almost Always Come Home – and I loved it! So glad to hear Cynthia has a new one!
I haven’t always tried to look beyond the surface and understand someone, but the older I’ve gotten, the more apparent the need for it becomes. Everyone has a story – even us.
Melissa, I’m so blessed that you enjoyed They Almost Always Come Home. I hope you’ll find When the Morning Glory Blooms engaging as well. Please let me know!