Since last week’s initial foray into campaign season, both Tim Pawlenty and Ron Paul have frequented my mailbox. Well, in paper form. If either one of them could actually Houdini their way into my mailbox, they’d win my vote hands-down.
As it is, unfortunately, I’m just not sold on any of the current candidates. (Yet. Someone could still try the mailbox thing. Or buy me a year’s supply of Diet Coke with Lime. Might be slightly unethical, but I don’t have a baby they can hold, so their persuasive options are limited.)
Anyway, I’m not giving up hope that someone—either a current candidate or a brave soul yet to enter—will steal my political heart. But while I’m waiting, I can’t help dreaming of the perfect candidate…
Willy Wonka: What could possibly go wrong when the sole focus of your country’s leader is genius candy creations? Think of how happy (sugar high) we’d all be. For the sake of clarity, I’m thinking Gene Wilder’s portrayal here—‘cause, hey, he sings. Only thing better than a candyman president is a singing candyman president.
VP: Obvious. Johnny Depp’s Willy Wonka. Minus the latex gloves and possibly with a new hairdo. Though, it could be slightly confusing for the prez and veep to share first and last names.
VP: Alex Trebek. ‘Cause after all those years on Jeopardy, he must know stuff. Lots of stuff. (Admit it, you totally thought I was going to say Vanna White. But that felt a little too…familiar.)
Scarlett O’Hara: She may lose husbands faster than most of us lose our keys. She may be self-centered and arrogant. She may be fictitious. But she’s loyal to her land. She’s a survivor. She’s got grit. And really big hoop skirts.
Aragorn: Because he is unquestionably J.R.R. Tolkien’s, ahem, manliest creation. He also has great hair. And a sword.
VP: This one was difficult. Frodo draws an immediate “no” because we all know without Samwise Gangee he’d still be wearing that ring. As for Sam, he’d serve the country well, but I’m not sure he’d be happy in the political arena. Pippin and Merry drink too much, and I don’t see Legolas or Gandalf fitting the veep role well. So for Aragorn’s ticketmate, I’m going to have to go with…me.
Comments 9
Awesome!! Willy Wonka could just turn all our enemies into floating blueberries and our military could shoot them like skeet. Make things easier. 🙂
I think MacGyver because he could get us out of debt with a paperclip if necessary and he’s honorable.
A running mate? How about Hodge from Criminal Minds. He’s got a sharp eye, he takes his job seriously, and he’s willing to die to protect his team (ie US. And if all else fails, let’s just vote in Papa Smurf. He’s proved himself as a leader and someone who can get out of jams!!
Haha, awesome suggestion with MacGyver. You’re right…he and his mullet would definitely serve our country well!! Papa Smurf – another good choice. And his face would eventually look really cool on a coin or bill…:)
President: Toto
From Wikipedia–“In Toto in Oz, after receiving taunts from his friends when falling into a flower basket during a celebration of Midsummer Day 1986, Toto decides to see Glinda about getting a title so that he can command respect.”
President is quite a title.
Vice President: Puddleglum
Also from Wikipedia–“Nothing is known of Puddleglum’s life before he appears in chapter 5 of The Silver Chair, where he first introduces himself by saying, ‘Puddleglum’s my name. But it doesn’t matter if you forget it.’ From then on, he is a caricature of pessimism and a bastion of gloomy fortitude: ‘I see you’re making the best of a bad job. That’s right. You’ve been well brought up, you have. You’ve learned to put a good face on things.'[2]
That’s the kind of thing a VP should say to the Pres., especially if he’s an insecure dog. Don’t you think?
Nathanael Tagg
Ahhhhhh, my brother…I have never laughed so hard at a comment on this blog. Or any blog. Awesome. And so well-thought out, backed up with research. And absolutely deserving of my favorite oxymoron ever: seriously hilarious! Plus, how great would this look as a bumper sticker: Toto-Puddleglum 2012.
Aragorn…but seriously the VP would be Legolas, hands down.
Um, no, Nicole…I just can’t agree with the Legolas choice. I think he would be too busy fighting Orcs. Whereas I would give Aragorn (ahem, I mean our country) my full attention.
p.s. you posted your comment at 11:11, Nicole. That’s cool. Even if I do disagree on Legolas.
um, no Aragorn would be too busy holding hands with Arwen…and Legolas would be there to save the worrrlddd! but actually I’ve changed my mind. MacGyver would be both the Pres and VP no doubt about it.
Nooooo…in my hypothetical nation where I get to hypothetically pick presidential candidates…there is no Arwen!