I know.
I know the 2012 presidential election is more than a year away. But I caught my first campaign commercial the other day and suddenly I’ve got politics on the mind.
Besides, I’m from Iowa— where, in addition to our great love for corn, pigs and the state fair, we enjoy the spotlight from our first-in-the-nation caucuses once every four years. Yes, some pundits call our caucuses irrelevant. But to that, I say, “Remember Rudy?”
So anyway, if you had asked me four years ago whom you should vote for in the 2008 election, I wouldn’t have had any trouble doling out an opinion. At that time I was still reporting…which meant I attended town hall meeting after town hall meeting in the months leading up to caucus. I covered the Ames straw poll, too. I enjoyed those events, loved the opportunity to interview candidates one-on-one or even just hang out in a pool of press taking notes. And that sort of “up close and personal” position made picking a fave easy.
This time, not so much.
But while I have yet to define a list of reasons to vote for any particular candidate, I seem to have no problem coming up with completely irrelevant reasons to vote for the names currently in the candidate pool. Is a really bad reason better than no reason at all? I don’t know. But just in case it is, and in case you’re having as much trouble as I am making a pick, today I present:
The Top Ten Irrelevant Reasons To Vote for…
Michele Bachmann: Because even though she got the reference completely wrong, at least she tried to work John Wayne into her Waterloo speech. And you like John Wayne. Especially when he says things like, “If I’d known this was all it would take, I’d have put that eye patch on 40 years ago.”
Ron Paul: Because you, too, have a penchant for gold. (Me, I’m more of a silver girl, but there aren’t currently any candidates touting the “Silver Standard.”)
John Huntsman: Because he’s been described as a “technocrat.” And while you don’t know what this is, it sounds interesting.
Tim Pawlenty: Because if you look at him long enough, he starts to look like this guy from one of the most ridiculous-and-yet-I-still-laugh movies ever.
Thad McCotter: Who? Oh yeah, the lead guitarist for the New Flying Squirrels. And you thought it’d be hard to come up with a good really-bad reason for this mostly-unknown!
Rick Santorum: Because he’s technically not from a “state” but a “commonwealth.” You have no clue why that’s significant, but surely it means something.
Herman Cain: Because his resume makes your stomach growl – Pillsbury, Burger King, Godfather’s Pizza?!
Newt Gingrich: Because “Newt” is fun to say and looks like a typo in print.
Barack Obama: Because if reelected, there’s be no need to reprint the White House letterhead. Take that, national debt!
And the best, most irrelevant reason…
Mitt Romney: Because his oldest son’s name is Tagg.
And you thought girls who filled out their March Madness brackets based on team colors were ridiculous…:)
~Melissa
p.s. Probably I should note that I do know elections are important and I do feel privileged to live in a country where I’m free to vote. And in no way do I mean to make a mockery out of presidential politics. That said, stay tuned for a seriously intelligent (i.e. absolutely frivolous) candidate wish list next Monday.
p.p.s. Do you have any really bad reasons to add to the list? Or maybe even really good reasons? Better yet, if YOU were to run for president, what would be the best-slash-worst reason I should vote for you?
Comments 7
LOL!! Funny list. I remember Rocket Man. I’m giggling as I think about it. I’m a silver girl too.
The name Newt reminds me of witches brew off Scooby Doo. Eye of…or a salamander. Idk.
Rick Santorum is from my commonwealth, girlie. It’s important because that’s where I am!! Just kidding…maybe not. A state and a commonwealth are pretty much the same. PA just likes to be individualized, I guess, by sticking with commonwealth. We’re like that. Just go with it. 😉
By the way, my eyes glaze over when people start talking politics too…that and football.
I’m so glad someone else remembers Rocket Man, Jessica. Crazy-pointless movie, but my siblings and I still quote it.
Lisa, I think Pennsylvania is to the U.S. as England is to Europe. (Yes, I just used a ratio. Maybe I’m not as logic-challenged as one would think…) The Brits cling to their pounds and left-side traffic like PA to its commonwealth status. But you’re right, the fact that you’re from PA lends massive amounts of legitimacy to Santorum’s candidacy!!
I am printing out your list for future reference … thank you. I had no idea your were a political pundit!
Yes, it’s up there with being a pilot or international Diet Coke with Lime spokespersons on my list of “careers I’ll pursue if the writing thing doesn’t work out.” 🙂
Ahahaha! Tim Pawlenty does look like the guy from rocketman!
I know, Nicole! Every time I see his campaign commercial I laugh…